Caregiver Burnout: Warning Signs I Wish I Had Known Sooner

This article is written in a first -person language using existing research findings and lived experiences of individuals to provide awareness and understanding of caregiver burnout.

Caregiver burnout crept into my life so gradually that I barely noticed it happening. By the time I recognised the signs, I was already deep in a cycle of exhaustion, resentment, and guilt that felt impossible to break.

Looking back, I now understand that what I experienced wasn’t just normal caregiver stress or temporary fatigue. Instead, it was a serious case of compassion fatigue that developed because I neglected basic caregiver self-care practices. At the time, I didn’t realise how important caregiver support networks were—or how to ask for help when I needed it most.

In this article, I’ll share the warning signs of burnout I wish I’d recognised sooner, what really causes it, and the surprising ways it affected both my health and relationships. Additionally, I’ll outline the strategies I should have implemented earlier that might have prevented my breaking point. If you’re caring for a loved one in Singapore, perhaps my experience can help you avoid the same painful journey.

The early signs I missed

Looking back at my caregiving journey, certain warning signs were clearly present—yet I completely overlooked them. According to research, approximately 32% of caregivers describe the experience as stressful [1], but what I didn’t recognise was how that stress gradually transforms into full-blown burnout.

Fatigue that didn’t go away with rest

The first sign was a bone-deep exhaustion unlike anything I’d experienced before. This wasn’t just being tired after a long day—this was persistent exhaustion that simply wouldn’t lift, even after getting sleep. My body felt heavy, almost as if gravity had somehow intensified just for me [2].

Initially, I noticed low energy in the afternoons and difficulty getting out of bed in the mornings [2]. I dismissed these feelings as temporary, believing I just needed to “push through.” However, as weeks passed, even basic caregiving tasks like preparing meals or helping with bathing became overwhelmingly exhausting [2].

What I didn’t understand was that sleep quality matters as much as quantity. My sleep was frequently interrupted to assist my loved one during the night, and when I did have uninterrupted time, my mind raced with worries about caregiving responsibilities [3].

Consequently, my body never truly recovered, creating a cycle of chronic fatigue that only worsened over time.

Losing interest in things I once enjoyed

The second warning sign manifested as a gradual withdrawal from activities that once brought me joy. My camera gathered dust. My running shoes stayed in the closet. Phone calls from friends went unanswered.

At first, I rationalised this as simply “not having enough time.” Later, I recognised the truth: even when time was available, I lacked the emotional energy to engage [4]. The activities that once recharged me now felt like additional obligations I couldn’t handle.

This withdrawal extended beyond hobbies to personal care and social connections [5]. Friends commented on my absence, but I found myself unable to explain why I couldn’t muster enthusiasm for gatherings I previously enjoyed. This isolation only intensified feelings of loneliness, creating another negative cycle I couldn’t seem to break.

Feeling constantly irritable or on edge

Perhaps the most troubling sign was my growing irritability. Small inconveniences that I would have previously brushed off began triggering disproportionate responses [3]. I found myself snapping at my loved one over minor issues, then feeling overwhelmed with guilt afterwards [6].

My patience had worn dangerously thin. I became easily annoyed by requests that had once been routine parts of caregiving [3]. Simple questions were met with sighs or sharp responses. My emotional reserves were completely depleted, leaving me unable to regulate reactions to even minor stressors.

Moreover, this irritability didn’t stay contained within the caregiving relationship—it spilled into other aspects of my life. Colleagues, friends, and family members began walking on eggshells around me [2]. I was constantly on edge, waiting for the next crisis or challenge, unable to find moments of calm amid the growing storm of emotions.

What makes these signs particularly insidious is how they reinforce each other: fatigue leads to withdrawal from enjoyable activities, which increases irritability, which in turn makes quality rest even more difficult to achieve. Before long, I was trapped in a vicious cycle that I couldn’t recognise, much less escape.

What really causes caregiver burnout

Understanding the root causes of caregiver burnout was crucial in my healing journey. While the symptoms were obvious in hindsight, identifying what truly fuels this exhaustion helped me develop better strategies for sustainable caregiving.

Taking on too much responsibility alone

The foundation of my burnout began with an inability to share the caregiving load. Research shows I wasn’t alone—many caregivers feel obligated to handle everything themselves, worrying about being a burden to others or feeling uncomfortable admitting they can’t manage alone [7].

Beyond routine caregiving tasks, I found myself managing an expanding list of responsibilities. About 37% of caregivers also administer medications, injections, and medical treatments [8]. This accumulation of duties happened so gradually that I didn’t

notice how overwhelming it had become.

The isolation trap is real. Though many caregivers later admit they did too much on their own and wished they had asked for more support from family and friends [7], I fell into this common pattern. Pride prevented me from seeking help—I wanted to prove I could handle everything perfectly, a mindset that ultimately contributed to my collapse.

In Singapore, this challenge is magnified by cultural expectations of filial piety, where caring for one’s elderly parents is considered a duty that should be performed without complaint. This strong sense of responsibility often makes it even more difficult for Singaporean caregivers to reach out for help.

Unclear roles and expectations

Role confusion significantly compounded my stress. I struggled to separate my identity as a caregiver from being a daughter, creating internal conflict that drained my emotional resources. This confusion is a recognised contributor to caregiver burnout [9].

My expectations about caregiving outcomes were equally problematic. I expected my care would consistently improve my loved one’s condition, which isn’t realistic for many progressive conditions [9]. This mismatch between expectations and reality created persistent disappointment.

Furthermore, studies show that caregivers who lack prior healthcare experience often have unclear expectations about the caregiving role [10]. Without proper guidance, I expected to provide services beyond my capabilities, including constant personal care that wasn’t sustainable long-term.

Lack of time for self-care

Perhaps most significantly, I neglected my own wellbeing. Caregivers frequently report problematic self-care behaviours, including:

• Poor eating habits

• Failure to exercise

• Postponement of medical appointments

• Not staying in bed when ill themselves [8]

This self-neglect creates a dangerous cycle—caregiver health deteriorates precisely when resilience is most needed. Studies indicate caregivers have higher risk for chronic conditions like high cholesterol and high blood pressure [8].

Sleep disruption further undermined my health. Many caregivers experience disrupted sleep patterns, making them prone to emotional highs and lows while increasing risk for developing chronic conditions [11]. I didn’t realise how fundamentally sleep deprivation was affecting my judgement and emotional regulation.

Singapore’s fast-paced culture and emphasis on productivity can exacerbate this tendency to neglect self-care. Many Singaporean caregivers report feeling guilty about taking time for themselves when they could be caring for their loved ones.

Emotional strain from watching a loved one suffer

Surprisingly, research reveals it’s often not the physical tasks of caregiving that cause the most distress. Rather, it’s witnessing a loved one’s suffering and feeling helpless to alleviate it [12].

This emotional toll is profound. Studies show caregivers who can process their feelings about witnessing their partners’ suffering tend to experience less stress [12]. Unfortunately, I suppressed these feelings, creating internal pressure that eventually erupted as resentment and despair.

The emotional impact intensifies with certain conditions. For instance, dementia caregivers report significantly more stress and depression than other caregivers [13]. Watching cognitive decline in someone I loved while managing unpredictable behaviours created a unique form of heartbreak that professional support might have helped me process.

In essence, caregiver burnout stems not from a single factor but from a complex interplay of responsibilities, unclear boundaries, self-neglect, and emotional strain. Recognising these underlying causes became my first step toward developing a more sustainable approach to caregiving.

How burnout affected my health and relationships

The toll of caregiver burnout extended far beyond mere fatigue—it fundamentally altered my physical health and damaged relationships I’d spent years nurturing. Despite understanding that caregivers are at higher risk for numerous health problems, I failed to recognise how severely these impacts were manifesting in my own life.

Neglecting my own medical needs

As caregiving consumed more of my time and energy, my own health rapidly deteriorated. I repeatedly postponed medical appointments, believing I couldn’t spare even an hour away from my caregiving duties [14]. This neglect created a dangerous pattern—caregivers are significantly less likely to seek healthcare for themselves, despite being at increased risk for serious conditions [14].

Unfortunately, the physical consequences accumulated quickly:

• My blood pressure rose steadily

• I experienced frequent headaches and digestive problems [15]

• My immune system weakened, leading to recurrent illnesses [14]

• I gained weight from stress eating and lack of exercise [16]

Perhaps most alarming, studies indicate caregivers report twice as many chronic conditions as non-caregivers, including heart disease and cancer [14]. Yet, despite these clear warning signs, I rationalised that my loved one’s needs were simply more important than my own health [14]—a common but destructive mindset among caregivers.

In Singapore, despite having access to excellent healthcare facilities, many caregivers still neglect their own health. The 2018 Singapore Survey on Informal Caregiving found that a significant percentage of caregivers postpone their own medical appointments due to caregiving responsibilities.

Withdrawing from friends and family

Simultaneously, my social world steadily contracted. What began as occasionally missing social events gradually evolved into complete isolation. Research shows this pattern is distressingly common—over 40% of dementia caregivers report experiencing at least moderate levels of loneliness and social isolation [17].

My withdrawal stemmed partly from practical limitations—caregiving consumed the time previously devoted to maintaining relationships. Nevertheless, emotional factors played an equally significant role. I felt others couldn’t understand my experiences, and explaining my situation seemed exhausting [18].

The consequences of this isolation were profound. Studies show that prolonged isolation increases health risks equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes daily and can reduce a person’s life span by up to 15 years [19]. Furthermore, this isolation created a vicious cycle—the lonelier I became, the more my mental health deteriorated, making me even less likely to reach out for support.

Feeling resentment toward the person I was caring for

Amid this deterioration of health and relationships, I developed complicated feelings toward the person I was caring for. I loved them deeply, yet simultaneously harboured growing resentment—emotions that coexisted in uncomfortable tension.

This resentment primarily stemmed from feeling overwhelmed, under-appreciated, and taken for granted [20]. As caregiving responsibilities expanded, I found myself becoming increasingly irritable, easily frustrated by routine caregiving tasks [20]. These reactions subsequently triggered intense guilt—I felt like a terrible person for experiencing these negative emotions [21].

Notably, caregiver resentment often results from specific factors: financial stress, loss of control, social isolation, and sleep deprivation [22]. When caregivers don’t address these feelings, resentment can become destructive and damage both parties in harmful ways [20].

The emotional impact intensified as I struggled to process witnessing my loved one’s suffering while feeling helpless to alleviate it [23]. Without healthy outlets for these complex emotions, my resentment continued growing—ultimately affecting the quality of care I provided and further damaging my already fragile mental health.

The long-term impact I didn’t expect

Even after my caregiving journey ended, the effects of burnout continued to shape my life in ways I hadn’t anticipated. What I thought would quickly resolve once the immediate pressure lifted actually lingered like an unwelcome shadow.

Lingering anxiety and depression

Much to my surprise, the mental health impacts of caregiver burnout didn’t simply vanish when my caregiving responsibilities ended. Research shows that former caregivers often experience elevated levels of depression for years following their caregiving role. In fact, approximately 40-70% of caregivers show clinically significant symptoms of depression.

My anxiety manifested as persistent worry about emergencies that weren’t actually happening anymore. I’d startle at phone calls, expecting bad news. Sleep disturbances continued despite no longer being on-call, as my nervous system remained stuck in high alert mode.

Difficulty reconnecting with normal life

Returning to “normal life” proved remarkably challenging. After years of organising my existence around someone else’s needs, I struggled to remember what I enjoyed doing before caregiving began.

Social reintegration felt particularly daunting. Many former caregivers report feeling like strangers in their former social circles, unsure how to engage in casual conversations that don’t centre around illness or caregiving. This disconnect created a sense of alienation that complicated the healing process.

Loss of identity beyond caregiving

Perhaps most profound was the identity crisis that emerged. After investing so much in the caregiver role, I no longer knew who I was without it. Studies indicate that long-term caregivers often experience a form of role confusion following the end of their caregiving responsibilities.

I had defined myself through sacrifice and responsibility for so long that reclaiming personal desires and ambitions felt selfish. This identity disruption complicated recovery and required intentional work to rebuild a sense of self beyond the caregiver role.

Ultimately, these long-term effects highlighted that recovering from caregiver burnout requires deliberate attention and healing—not simply time away from caregiving duties.

What I wish I had done differently

In hindsight, there are several strategies that could have prevented my descent into caregiver burnout. The wisdom I gained came at a steep price—one I hope others can avoid through my experience.

Asked for help sooner

Many caregivers, myself included, later admit we did too much alone when we should have reached out for support [7]. I hesitated to ask for help, worried about being a burden or appearing incapable. Yet studies show that accepting assistance isn’t weakness—it’s essential self-preservation.

To overcome this reluctance, consider breaking down large tasks into smaller ones that others can easily manage [7]. Keep a mental list of ways others could help, matching requests to their specific skills and interests [8].

In Singapore, several organisations offer support specifically for caregivers:

• Agency for Integrated Care (AIC): Provides information and referrals to care services, caregiver training, and support groups. Contact them at 1800-650-6060 or visit www.aic.sg

• Silver Caregivers Co-operative: Offers peer support and respite services specifically designed for caregivers of elderly family members. Visit www.silvercaregivers.org.sg 

• Caregivers Alliance Limited (CAL): Provides free caregiver training programmes and support groups, particularly for those caring for persons with mental health issues. Contact: 6460 4400 or www.cal.org.sg 

Set clearer boundaries

Setting boundaries isn’t selfish—it’s necessary for sustainable caregiving. Without them, you risk not only your health but ultimately the quality of care you provide [24].

Certainly, establishing clear limits requires identifying your non-negotiable needs: adequate rest, proper nutrition, exercise, and social connections [25]. Once identified, communicate these boundaries assertively using “I” statements such as, “I need personal time, and I won’t be available tomorrow” [25].

The Wellness and Health Action Movement (WHAM) in Singapore offers workshops specifically on boundary setting for caregivers. These sessions help participants develop personalised self-care plans while managing family expectations. Contact them at www.wham.sg for upcoming workshops.

Joined a caregiver support group

One of my biggest regrets was isolating myself when connection was vital. Support groups offer a safe space to express feelings with people who truly understand [26]. They provide both emotional support and practical advice from those walking similar paths.

Additionally, support groups help normalise experiences that might otherwise feel shameful, like caregiver resentment or frustration [27]. Given the high rates of depression among caregivers—estimated between 46-59%—this emotional outlet is crucial [8].

Singapore offers several caregiver support groups:

• Caregivers Connect: Regular support group meetings held at various community centres across Singapore. Check with your nearest Community Centre or call ComCare at 1800-222-0000 for the schedule.

• Dementia Singapore: Offers support groups specifically for caregivers of persons with dementia. Contact: 6377 0700 or visit www.dementia.org.sg

• Singapore Cancer Society: Provides support groups for caregivers of cancer patients. Contact: 6499 9133 or visit www.singaporecancersociety.org.sg

Scheduled regular breaks and respite care

Taking breaks isn’t just nice—it’s necessary. Respite care provides temporary relief while ensuring your loved one’s needs remain met [28]. This can range from a few hours to several days, allowing time to recharge.

Importantly, respite comes in various forms: in-home health aides, adult day centres, or short-term nursing home stays [1]. Using these services earlier would have helped me maintain resilience throughout my caregiving journey.

Singapore offers several respite care options:

• Centre-Based Weekend Respite: Available at select day care centres across Singapore. Contact AIC at 1800-650-6060 for a list of centres providing this service.

• Home-Based Respite Care: Providers like Homage and Jaga-Me offer qualified caregivers who can come to your home for a few hours to a few days. Visit www.homage.sg or www.jaga-me.com

• Nursing Home Respite: Many nursing homes in Singapore offer short-term stays for care recipients, allowing caregivers a longer break. The Ministry of Health subsidises these services for eligible Singaporeans. Visit www.moh.gov.sg for more information.

Spoke to a mental health professional

Ultimately, professional mental health support should have been part of my care plan. Therapists provide tools for processing complex emotions, solving problems, and establishing healthy boundaries [26].

When self-care strategies prove insufficient, mental health professionals can help address caregiver depression and anxiety [29]. This support becomes especially critical considering approximately 20% of family caregivers experience clinical depression [8].

In Singapore, several affordable mental health resources are available:

• Institute of Mental Health (IMH): Offers a Mental Health Helpline (6389 2222) and subsidised consultations with mental health professionals.

• Community Health Assessment Team (CHAT): Provides free mental health checks for young adults aged 16-30. Visit www.chat.mentalhealth.sg 

• Silver Ribbon Singapore: Offers counselling services specifically addressing caregiver stress and mental wellbeing. Contact: 6385 3714 or visit www.silverribbonsingapore.com

Conclusion

Caregiver burnout fundamentally changed my life in ways I never anticipated. My journey through exhaustion, isolation, and resentment taught me painful lessons about the true cost of neglecting self-care while caring for others. Though I initially missed the warning signs—persistent fatigue, withdrawal from beloved activities, and growing irritability—these symptoms clearly signalled that something was seriously wrong.

Looking back, several factors contributed to my downward spiral: shouldering too much responsibility alone, unclear boundaries between my roles, neglect of basic self-care, and the emotional toll of watching a loved one suffer. These elements gradually eroded my physical health, damaged important relationships, and even led to resentment toward the person I cared for deeply.

Perhaps most surprising was how the effects lingered long after my caregiving responsibilities ended. Anxiety, depression, and an uncertain sense of identity continued to affect my daily life, making recovery a deliberate process rather than an automatic return to normality.

Certainly, my experience would have been different had I implemented key strategies earlier. Asking for help sooner, establishing clearer boundaries, joining support groups, scheduling regular breaks, and speaking with mental health professionals might have prevented my complete burnout.

Caregiving remains one of the most challenging roles many of us will ever undertake. Nevertheless, this difficult journey taught me that caring for others requires caring for yourself first—not out of selfishness, but necessity. Your wellbeing directly affects the quality of care you provide.

Fellow caregivers in Singapore should remember this: compassion fatigue happens gradually, often unnoticed until reaching a breaking point. Watch for early warning signs, prioritise your health needs, and build support systems before crisis strikes. Most importantly, understand that seeking help demonstrates strength rather than weakness.

Though my caregiving journey brought immense challenges, it also taught me profound lessons about resilience, self-compassion, and the true meaning of sustainable care. These insights, albeit painful, transformed how I approach all relationships today—with boundaries, self-awareness, and the knowledge that genuine care must include caring for oneself.

Singapore Resources for Caregivers

Government Support Services

• Agency for Integrated Care (AIC): One-stop resource centre for eldercare services

  • Hotline: 1800-650-6060

  • Website: www.aic.sg

• MSF Disability Support: Support for caregivers of persons with disabilities

  • Hotline: 1800-555-0000

  • Website: www.msf.gov.sg/disability-support

Financial Assistance

• Pioneer Generation Package: Healthcare subsidies for Singaporeans born before 1950

• MediSave Care: Allows withdrawal from MediSave for long-term care needs

• Caregivers Training Grant (CTG): Up to S$200 annually for caregiver courses

• Home Caregiving Grant: Monthly cash grant of S$200 for caregivers of persons with permanent moderate disabilities

Support Groups

• Caregivers Alliance Limited: Support for caregivers of persons with mental health conditions

  • Hotline: 6460 4400

  • Website: www.cal.org.sg

• Dementia Singapore: Support for dementia caregivers

  • Hotline: 6377 0700

  • Website: www.dementia.org.sg

Respite Care Options

• Seniors’ Mobility and Enabling Fund: Subsidises respite care services

• Home-based Respite Care: Provided by Homage, Jaga-Me, and other services

• Centre-based Weekend Respite: Available at select eldercare centres

Mental Health Support

• Mindline.sg: 1771 (24 hours)

• Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6385 3714

• Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019